Life's a Picnic

Nothing.
Did nothing this weekend.
Drank some beverages and watched some football.

I'm gonna get some new pedals on my Mountain Bike and make that my new sport for a while. I used to be pretty decent on the thing, could even ride over pick-nick tables and stuff. Now, I probably couldn't ride over a pick-nick basket, but who would want to do that anyway?
It'll be fun. My main man Davo has agreed to do some ridin' with me. And I know I was in really good shape when last I was a mountain biker.

Does anyone know of a good shop? Kris Green used to do my work, but he got really expensive and really lazy (he did only 1/2 the work last time and double charged for that, I will miss the incessant gossip though.)

Can't Shake Them Blues

Here, I should be running right now as I write this. Instead, I have my foot in the Strasburg Sock, covered with a night splint. Today is bad, next Saturday will be worse. Thankfully, next Saturday it will all be over. No more Slam, I'll have served my time.

I don't know how to look at it. I guess I'll only get to look back on it. What a tremendous waste of money.

Fuck it

The Arkansas Mud: Song of the Strong

The Man in Black!
This one goes out to:
Woody, A2 and Scott Springman:
Luck you guys, I'd give my left testie (but not my left foot!) to be with you!

So, Anybody Know

Anybody know of any biking Grandslams? How about Table Tennis Grandslams. I need something to obsess over.

Jail Break!

AP- Tampa, FL

With only 13 days left on his sentence, Andrew E. Mathews, aka AndyMan, broke out of the Slam.

"I'm stunned!" said the Professor, "I really thought he was dumb enough to serve out his sentence even with absolutely no chance at rehabilitation!"

"Well, I kind of knew this was coming. He's gotten a LOT smarter over the last few months." said the Good Doctor.

"What a fag! Not that there is anything wrong with that!" GatorFan

"Aw, did his little foot hurt too much? I'd just run on my bicepts if my foot hurt too much! You know if you wear a shirt too often it will hurt you!" Dean Karnazes

"Hey, why do the time if you can't do the Crime!" echoed Roger in a reverse Beretta.

"This is the second time the SOB's left me hanging." said a horrified RunsforBeer.

"Now, he's heavy!" said SuperDave. "Yeah, I've got a plane ticket to Arkansas, whoo who, and I don't even like pork rinds!"

"Do I get to be A1 now?" Asked a smiling Andy Barrett

"I feel bad for him. He really tried. I'm glad he got out early though." Said a sympathethic Star.

"Well, I guess there is a happy race director and 50 happy volunteers in Arkansas right now!" spouted off an all-knowing Chase

AndyMan himself couldn't be reached for comment, he is in hiding after all. But He did leave this note behind:

Dear Yall,

TheSlam was really hard. I didn't think I'd lay such a rotten egg. I knew failure was a 70% possibility, but honest to God, I didn't think I'd fail. You all know I tried. I poured blood, sweat and money into this thing, but it wasn't meant to be.

Regardless, it was an awesome experience. You guys, you guys, (even Dean) were fantastic. You were there with me, and I learned, and I accepted, and you guys matter, this Slam thing, it just doesn't matter. I do believe it's trying (and I mean really trying, not just signing up) that matters not success.

You haven't heard the last of me or the Slam, I'll be back! As soon as I can spend a few weeks in Colorado before Leadville I'll try again. For now, I just want to get physically and mentally healthy, both have been suffering."

Love and Kisses,
AndyMan
(ps, Andy B, you always were A1!)

Am I Washing or Just Hanging Out?

Hey Prof, back in the time of your parents you know, SuperDave's era, not every one had machines to dry their clothes so there were these contraptions called "Clotheslines" after you had washed a garment you would use "Clothes Pins" to attach the garment to the line and viola! in a few hours your clothes would be dry.
Anyway, when I was in school in Alabama, Clotheslines were still pretty popular and they had this saying for a person that was a 1/2 bubble off plumb- "He don't know if he's washing or hangin' out!"

Well, right now I don't know if I'm washin' or hangin' out, I'll tell you now, you can believe me later. WTF am I talkin' about? I'm giving myself till tomorrow to decide if I'm running Arkansas. Dr. OB is right, these problems with my feet may be telling me something (not, as he suggests, that I need to work on my hand/one-eye coordination) but maybe that I need to take some time off. So, I'll run tomorrow, 15 - 20 miles and see how I feel. Then it's either: 1- Run Arkansas. 2- Get a cortizone shot and run Arkansas or C- Stop running for two months and retool and then start getting ready for Western States.

I don't know what it's gonna be, but shoot, I've 24 hours to decide. A lot can happen in 24!

Song of the Weak, "He Kept Coming at me.."

"He Kept Coming At Me with Nothing!"

This week's Song of the Weak is really more of a movie clip (er, that's exactly what it is), but Paul Newman really portrays how I feel, but I'm no smarter than Luke is in the clip, I should stay down, but I can't, won't, aint!
Later in the movie Paul Newman and George Kennedy are playing cards and Paul/Luke wins a hand he is bluffing, George say's "Just like today, when he kept coming back at me, with NOTHING!"
Luke, say, "Sometime Nothing, can be a real Cool Hand." Hence the name, Cool Hand Luke.

I don't know, today, was my first day back running since I aggreviated my injury, and let me tell, you I had NOTHING! But, I'm going to keep coming back. I have no idea, but I hope Nothing is a real Cool Hand!

After Further Review

Ok, I'm in.

I'm doin' it.

I Shouldn't, but I am.

Got my e-mail from Western States yesterday.

It said, "If you wish to run Western States (provided we actually have it in 2009) you can... Provided you sign up using our way too complicated and expensive method. You've got a week to decide..... Go!"

Well, they are arrogant S.O.B's, it's true, but I do want to run their race, and it is their race, it isn't my race, so I have to follow their rules. I'm doin' it. (I will say, that I'm waiting till after I have my appointment with the renowned Dr. LeFeete tomorrow, before I pay my money down.)

You know what steams my bean? They are calling it the 36th Annual. Huh? Didn't they cancel the 35th? Shouldn't this be the 35th? WTF? This is the type of accounting that has put Leeward Brothers in the Johnny Crapper! Yeah, it's the 35th you silly guys.

Oh Boy, I Hope I Score!

Going to the real Doctor on Thursday. I hope this one is better than the last guy.

I should have known that the primary "Care" wasn't going to do me much good when I saw the sign outside of the building:

Hey, who are you reminding?

Sabby, Steroids and Smirnoff, a Deadly Mix!

Now, I'm not one to blame others (unless like in this case, it's their fault!) but the dude should have known.

Well, really it wasn't as much his fault. It was the lax security guard that let me smuggle in a water bottle filled with vodka, it was his fault. Oh, and even more it was that second year Rookie, Sabby Piscatelli's fault. Sabby, what are you thinking? Tight game, you pick up a fumble, that's good. That seals the game, unless of course you forward lateral the ball to no one and the other team picks it up, and goes down the field and scores a few plays later and now it's "Go-Time!" Sabby.... Go sit on the bench for two games, learn from someone that's not a tard, and come back in. You're young, you can still learn. Unlike the yahoo in the men's room, he's old he'll never learn, hence the roid rage...

I'm not proud of this, but the dude standing next to me in the men's room, well, he thought Sabby could do no wrong because Ernest Graham bailed out the Bucs and we won anyway. This dude was drunker than me, older than me, dumber than me, smaller than me, and no way he was roided up like Barry and Me! Anyway, he should thank God that I was the only person in Buccaneer stadium with an Auburn Cross Country shirt on (I was, as they say, easily identifiable) or his head may have been just a spot on the wall above the urinal in the South Endzone. Ah, who am I kidding, it would have been. I almost jacked him in spite of my, "Yeah, I saw it all, guy was wearing an AU CC shirt, you know they won their football game 3-2, was it a wild pitch or a two-run single that won it for 'em, he smashed this fool's head, guy deserved it, but yeah, it was him." status.

But, better senses prevailed, I left, called my bro and we laughed about it. Anyway, Sabby, hang on to the darn ball, and you rent-a-cops, do your darn job, I wasn't even hiding that bottle, I can't be expected to be a saint all the time!!

No Tour de France in my Future!

Well, I will NOT be competing in the Tour de France. And no it's not because I can't keep up with the "C" group of the local bike club. I am positive with a few weeks of riding I could even lead the C group and possibly hang on the wheels of the B group.

Why can't I ride in the Tour?

Let me give you a hint, It's Not about the Bike. The San Francisco Giants just just called and they want me to fill Barry's shoes. That right, I'm on steroids! The Doctor prescribed them and I can feel the shirts getting tighter already! Think I can hit 756 home runs in 5 days? I hope so, cause that's how long the prescription lasts.

Course there is a difference between me and Barry. I am freely admitting that I am on steroids.
There is a difference between me and Lance Armstrong. I am freely admitting that I am on steroids.
There is a difference between me and Roger Clemens. I am freely admitting that I am on steroids, and he's ugly!

Song of the Weak, I went I went!

Thanks SuperDave for the song of the weak!
Well, our man Chase was 100% right about what Doctor Feelgood would tell me.

Dr. (after taking one look at my feet and starting to touch them, then going back and putting on gloves, good move Doc.) "Hey, your feet look pretty bad. Looks like you've got some fungus under this toenail."
Me: "Don't worry about the toenails, they are gone anyway."
Dr: "So why are you here?"
Me: "See those crutches over there? Those are mine. I can't put any weight on my left foot."
Dr: "Ok, how did this happen?"
Me; "I run up to 100 miles at a time."
Dr: "You shouldn't run too much. Take it easy till it's better."
Me: "You don't see many ultrarunners do you?"
Dr: "We have a couple of patients that run marathons."
Me: "Well that's the same thing.... divided by 4 anyway."

Yeah, I'm getting an X-Ray this weekend, and I'll see the foot guy, but hey, it's feeling better already, I'll probably be off the crutches by .... What time is it?

Yoikes, Now I Gotta Go!

Ok, Ok, Ok, Ok, I'm goin', I'm goin', I'm goin', I'm goin'!

Geez, just because I've been complaining and limping and limping and complaining, you'd think it was my duty to go to the doctor or something (can't be a good thing to do, aint nothing but sick people there!) And doctor's, no offense Candi, June, and Jack, can tend to be about full of themselves, as this documentary below clearly illustrates:
However, last night I was running with an FL Ultrarunner when the I kicked a root and the flawed left foot went all Roberto "Hands of Stone" Duran on me and said, "No Mas!" I had to limp back to the car. Well, the suggestion I posed to the medical community (see below) didn't fly, so now I'm going to a real doctor and trying for a real cure. I'll let you know how it goes.

Tail on the Scale: #175

Ok, nothing big, up to 175, I think it's the two pounds of tape on my ailing foot though. I'm still a lean mean TV watching machine!

I'm about ready to take Chase's old job criticizing those TV shows (do they not have Pilots anymore? How does some of this cheese make it on the tube? You know what would make a good show? We have a wall come at people with holes in the wall and people jam themselves into the holes and try to go through the wall...... Pa-Leees! What a load of manure! What's next? These ultrarunners will pull off their toenails with their bare hands.....)

The Long Walk

Star went and gave me this book for my Birthday, thanks Star.

It's awesome. Although the author, Richard Bachman (he also goes by some other name, with which I am not familiar) has little knowledge of what it really takes to walk on and on and how fast someone can do it. In the book the participants must maintain a speed of four miles an hour constantly or they give fragged by some creepy soldiers.

He has the pain, sleeping on your feet, hallucinations, camaraderie and desperation right, but the speed, yoikes, he's got that all wrong! Guys 4.2 miles an hour is 100 miles in 24 hours. Not many well trained ultra runners can do that. And to try it without even squatting for a minute, well... can't be done. 4 miles an hours may sound easy, and it is, for about 3 hours, then one gets a little tired. And the clock ticks while you tie a show, and the clock ticks while you relieve your bladder, and the clock ticks while you stretch.

I HATE THE CLOCK! But, I am enjoying the book, thanks again Star, you rock!

And Carol Means, Plus One!

We had the Five Alive Slammers from Wasatch.And lo and behold with 22 minutes and a few seconds to spare.... Carol O'Hear made it Five Alive, Plus One! All six of you made it! Great!!!! My hat is off to you!

Arkansas Here we come!

Unlike Jerry Reed, The Slam lives for these 5!

Sad news from SuperDave today, he informed me that Jerry Reed, aka Amos Mosses, aka Cletus Snow, aka the Snowman passed away this week. Nobody tells me anything! How can The Bandit's right hand man pass and it not make International news? Geez, what are they reporting on these days?Well, Jerry man no longer be Hot (when he was he was, now he aint) but these five are still alive in the Slam after completing the incredibly hard Wasatch Front 100 (Gawd, but I'm mostly glad not to be there!): Top Slam finisher, Perry Edinger 29:37. Followed by: Dan Brendan 29:58; Stan the Man Ferguson 31:16. Kristina Irivin 32:46. Allan Holtz 33:08.

Still waiting on word for Carol O'Hear. They are projecting her to finish just under the wire. I'm rooting really hard for her! Go Carol go! These are 6 tough cookies.

Guys let's find them all at Arkansas and congratulate them. Way to hang, way to hang!

6 AM at Croom

Jon, The Good Doctor, Tracy and I clocked in 20 at Croom today.

Becky, Woody, Dan, and Dominic were there too, but they started way to early for us, and waiting around wasn't in their game plan.

I'm looking forward to some of that cooler weather so we don't have to start before we go to bed in order to run before you could cook a chicken in your shorts (that's Crotch Pot cookin'!)

Utah? I'm Not there Yet! Song #50

Well gang, I am not in Utah. The saying used to be, U-Tah, you conquered. Sadly, I was conquered before I ever got to Utah.

Well, it's not that I'm not there, it's that I'm not there yet! One of these days, I'll do that Grand Dam Slam, just not this year.

In honor of that, here is Sam Utah, practicing on "Not There Yet!"
Better days ahead my family, better days ahead.

And hey great luck to everybody doing Wasatch this weekend, especially those special 6 slammers that are left. See you in Arkansas!

You Pick: No More LA or Spanish and Mexicans

My friend Amy brought up a most excellent point regarding the lost Slam.

"Hey you've done the S, and you're still on track for the M. How about some Grand S & M?"
What a good idea! and if anybody saw the picture of my feet from the last post, well, I'd say I'm right on track!

Who needs LA anyway? I mean it's not Lower Alabama, but the central plains that are home to Auburn, "the Loveliest Village on the Plains."

Here we come Arkansas! Right now we have Woody, A2, the Prof, and me entered. We need one more to have a team Florida. Wouldn't hurt if it was a chick. Hey, Runsforbeer, how about you pace lil bro, Scott, from start to finish and go ahead and set up a temporary address in Florida. Then we'll win for sure!

It's too Bad on my Birthday!

Happy Birthday to me.

Yep, I stayed out all night again. Even took a nap from 7:30 - 10:30 just so I could make it out all night.

Stayed out drinking all night as well.

And boy, I had moves (the Professor will have to explain that one to you.)47 Years Old, means 47 miles with the Professor, and A2. Oh, and didn't we have fun? After we ran we joined the group of many that started anywhere between 4 AM and 7 AM. We followed that up with a nice BBQ and a few frosty beverages.

I may be old, but .... at least I'm not real smart. Here's the sick thing, there was no place I'd have rather been, and nothing I would rather have been doing. I am one real sick bastid (but I had company :)

Pictures of my feet tomorrow (Some commented on the fact that I had lost a toenail, but I hadn't lost it, nothing like running 47 miles and drinking 2 1/2 beers to make one simply reach down and yank off a toenail, it was sort of macho on more than sort of GROSS!)