Thursday, July 26, 2007

The 180-Pound Fish

Funniest moment on the trail in Vermont, and it's a hoot.

This is a true story!

Anyone that runs or walks with me knows that I have a habit of picking up trash along the road or trail. This can be on a walk between classes at school, during a run around town, or even during a 100-mile trail run. No, I am not some goody-goody, I figure I owe this debt to our Mother Earth as penance for the beer bottles my brother and I used to chuck at signs as Phil Walters zipped us around in town in one POS vehicle or another. Also, as a kid I actually used to say, "it's not litter if you can't see it!" as I slid a soda can into somebody's hedges. So, if you're running or walking with me now, there is a pretty good chance you'll pull ahead at some point as I wedge a Coors or Bud bottle out of a ditch and respectfully place it in the nearest trash receptacle.

Anyway, this habit paid off for me at mile 50 I had to boot scoot it into the woods to do some business, er a yeah, poop, as I climbed over some logs to get well off of the trail I was mortified to see several, 20 - 24 beer cans scattered in the beautiful Vermont woods. When I finished my business and was heading back to the trail I took another look at the trash and discovered that it was not trash at all, rather this was a case of full beer! Knowing that I was to see Woody when I got back on the trail, Becky and I had hooked up with him 1/2 mile earlier, and knowing Woody's love of the suds, yes sometimes even while running (once Candi and I happened upon Woody and Dan at about 7 AM on a Sunday in Croom when we noticed they were walking and knocking back some tepid suds retrieved from an abandoned cooler on the trail), I snagged two of the King of Beers and replaced my water bottles with them in my running pack. Needless to say Woody was significantly impressed that I could turn chicken scratch into chicken salad! However, he was a good boy and didn't partake in those two beers until after the race. We saw his beautiful wife, Trudy, at mile 55 and I handed the brewski's off to her to place on ice. See it pays to pickup litter, even during a race!
This habit that served me so well at mile 50 came back to bite me in the glutes just shy of mile 70. When I get close to an aid station I start actively looking for garbage to pick-up an bring to aid stations, knowing that they have means of disposal. The Beckster and I were cruising toward the Camp-TenBear aid station (mile 70), and were going downhill and were at mile 69.5 when my budding career in sanitation produced a bit of embarrassment. I didn't have to look too hard for trash as some paper shot right between my legs. I bent down to pick it up and alright! there was a nice crisp picture of Mr. George Washington staring up at me in the form of a one-dollar-bill! My efforts were about to pay off for the second time in one race. As I stooped down (not an easy chore after 12 + hours of running) to snag my prize the wind scooted the bill just out of my reach. No problem, two steps to the left and I bend down again, once more that cursed wind moves the bread just out of reach. Now that's odd thinks I. As I start moving again, I see the adolescent boy laying in his yard grinning at me, fishing pole in hand. It took me a second to put 2 and 2 together to realize that the youth had just caught the biggest fish, all 180 pounds of me, as his $1 bait on the end of his line had me totally hooked! Yes, at first I was furious, "That aint right!" I screamed, but as his friends who had been watching from the roof of a house across the street howled with laughter I added, "But it sure is funny!" And it was! I bet that dude is the hero of his neighborhood today. He got me!
All I can say is if he'd have used the Budweiser I knicked earlier, he could have led me to the finish with a world record!
AndyMan

2 comments:

Chase Squires said...

I think Andy also says something about "if it's biodegradable, it's not litter" as he hurls entire chicken carcasses into the forest ... just sayin'

(Oh, like I'm ever going to forget that... )

Mr. Matt said...

Chicken Carcess? I'm a well established vegitarian, since June 28! No chicken and only one burger, so you must have me mixed up with some other hombre!

Besides, didn't Mufassa say something about the "Circle of Life?"