Wednesday, February 20, 2008

In Defense of the Dark Arts, Updated

We may not always like those that do the work that has to be done, but that doesn’t mean that aren’t valuable

Take this guy above. We spent the better part of 7 books disliking him, and one full book hating him. Now, at the end of it all, Severus is the most popular name for newborns in all of the United Kingdom (I made that up.)

Why did I Pyle my mug on Snape? Because of a recent conversation I had with a couple of my running buds. Seems that a certain awesome ultra runner in Colorado hadn’t really understood some of my running exploits in mis-telling a story to an old novia of mine.

Yes, it’s true. On not one or two, but three occasions I’ve had to school other ultra runners on etiquette during ultra events. Sometimes school turns ugly, many times the teacher is blamed for this. However, in each of these instances, the dudes needed and received the lesson.

Reminds me of a long lost Gomer Pyle episode:
In this episode, Gome took down some thick thug that was too big for his britches. In this case with a Pugil stick. Then Gomer goes on to get the bum’s rush from a little feller in the same type of contest.

When Sg. Vince Carter asked Pvt. Pyle. “How could you whip that big guy and let the small guy take it to you?”
Pyle Responds, “Well golly Sarge, the way I figure it, the big fella needed a lesson, and the little fella didn’t.”

Words to live by peeps, words to live by.

Now, I told that consdescending piece of crap Colorado Ultra Runner (not Chase) in Arkansas that I thought he must be from the moon, because he was an A-Hole! He stated as fact, “there’s no such thing as global warming.” Oh, sorry God, didn’t realize you knew more than ¾’s of the world scientist, and more than the leaders of the 175 countries to sign Kyoto. Further, he went on to call Al Gore comical and dangerous. Yeah, Al Gore went on to when the Nobel Piece Prize within days of that exchange, and that Colorado ultra-runner, I don’t even remember his name (but I know the d*ckhead didn’t finish Arkansas.) Big fella needed a lesson. Now, Chase (this was before he saw the light) was sticking up for this tool, and being all like, well a wussy. Hey, the big fella needed a lesson, and I’m a teacher. Also, Bill Mathews taught his boys to stick up for themselves, it isn’t always pretty, but you gotta stick up, you can’t always walk away.

Yes, I told the Texan at Sunmart that if I didn’t think he was kidding I would throw him off of the boardwalk and stomp a mudpuddle in his @ss. Jerk needed a lesson. Wasn’t going to let me pass because he was talking to some chippy that wasn’t going to remember his name one nanosecond after he force fed it to her.
Tex, “Oh, big man wants to pass, there’s only 48 miles to go, and he wants to pass now.”
Me, “I know you’re kidding, if I didn’t think you were, I’d have to throw you off of this boardwalk and pound you.”
Big fella needed a lesson. If Standing up for myself makes me a jerk, well color me guilty. I’d have torn into that feller like a windmill in a hurricane (course it might have cost me 11 seconds, and that dude woulda had a DNF instead of just finishing 3 hours behind me)

Ok, so he was 10, obviously his coodling parents weren’t going to give him the lesson, it was up to me.
100 yards from the top on Devil’s Thumb; me, “Am I almost to the aid station?”
10-year old volunteer, “Yeah it’s just up the hill, if it’s even still open, you’re so slow everyone else has already been through!”
Er, what I said next isn’t pretty, but it was a lesson that this twerp's parents should have delivered a long time before, but they were too busy apologizing for their son to know that they should have been schooling him. Thank God I was there to fix that kid. Here it is: Me: "Go F’ yourself, you F’ing little twerp!” Big Fella, er, little Fella needed a lesson!

Anyway, there you have it. No, I’m not always a nice guy, no I don’t always say or do the right thing. But if you worried that I wasn’t going to stand up for myself or for Al Gore, worry no more! And if you can’t appreciate it, here’s your lesson: Drop and give me 20!

School’s Out!


Star said...

You look like Howard Stern in that picture. I think he'd be considered a dark...or at least an A-hole.

superdave524 said...

He does look a bit Stern, doesn't he?

Dr. Maguse said...

people who...not that.
sorry, my biggest pet peeve.

superdave524 said...

Remember Kenny Roger's Coward of the County? No? Remember Kenny Rogers? No? Well, anyway, sometimes you gotta fight to be a man. The two older dudes clearly had it coming to them, and they are lucky you didn't kick their @sses to China. Did Bill Mathews teach us to stick up for ourselves (and each other)? You betcha. When that Wolski kid at the Tampa Pee Wee football field tried to sucker punch you after a game, we nearly had a free-for-all: Wolski, his older brother, and their dad threatened you, me, and our dad. Thing is, those p*ssies never showed up in the parking lot afterward. Just cheap-shot artists, those Wolskis. To this day I bet they never showed up for a fight where the other guy knew there was going to be a fight. Andy, I doubt you've ever started a fight in your life, but if every dude or dudette out there always backed down just to keep the peace, the bad guys (or the loudest and most obnoxious ones) would win every time (which is why dad made me fight Rusty Nolf and Tony Whitney, both of whom had been picking on me. I beat Rusty like a drum. Tony beat me bloody. But neither ever picked on me again).

The kid? Well, I've done worse (and clearly, the kid's parents should have taught him some manners. "Son, don't tug on Superman's cape, don't spit into the wind, you don't take the mask of the old Lone Ranger, and you don't mess around with elite ultra-marathoners who may be very, very tired").

AndyMan said...

Yeah, I was perdy tired and whole lot of cranky, but I figure I saved the guy that was really in last place from doing worse to that misguided ute! (What is a ute? Why someone who plays for Utah, of course!)

ps, I bet this thread brings out a response from Chase posted as anonymous, I'm just saying)

Anonymous said...

I still cannot figure out what prompted this rant...

AndyMan said...

My good buddies, let's call them "Decky and Bavo," were asking me about what an awesome ultra runner friend had told Decky in Colorado about me acosting an sweet good natured son of a whore ultra runner at Arkansas. I am merely pointing out that the acosting was not unprovoked, rather it was entirely justified and my buddy should have seen that and should drop and give Al Gore 20 for incorectly identifying the playas.

Star said...

I'm going to admit that I'm with Annon as to where this came from. Regardless, if you need to vent, its your blog.

I'm with you on teaching those who need to be taught in the moment. I give my clients' parents ONE chance to take care of their monsters when they are tearing up the waiting room...then Ms. Andrea cracks the whip. Half the adults out there have any kind of do you expect their KID to? Oh, don't even get me going...

The bottom line: I'd like to get in a fight someday. Wait, what I meant to say was, stand for something or you'll fall for anything.

Chase Squires said...

There's a lesson here somewheres ... I guess it's "don't p*ss off Andy when he's sweating" ... Why don't you put that anger to work and get on the roadies who toss trash all over the trail. Arkansas was an embarassment for the amount of trail trash, cups, gel packs and the like on the ground. And Rocky Raccoon wasn't much better.

You know how mild-manered Bruce Banner turns into the Hulk when he gets angry? Turn that green on some litterbug roadies, Angry A!

(Don't make him angry. You wouldn't like him when he's angry)

superdave524 said...

You got that right, Chaser.

superdave524 said...

Okay, I got your Vanilla Ice.

Arlene said...

I agree with first glance I thought that the pic was of Howard Stern.

I like Howard Stern. Listened to his show. Even read his book.

It's your blog; rant on!

AndyMan said...

Oh trust me, I've plenty of anger left for litterbugs.

AndyMan said...
This comment has been removed by the author.