Monday, February 11, 2008

Hey Jabroni, Jog This!

What are those; joggers on your tie?
Did you go jogging today?
Hey, aren't you that jogger?

Jog this you tit-turd!
You see a jogger give him $5.

No sir, I am no jogger, I'm a runner. What's the diff? The late great famous author on running, Dr. George Sheehan said "The difference between a runner and a jogger is a race application." That's not a bad criterium for seperation (unlike the Men in Boys in Ancient Greece, they were separated differently), but I'd simply say the diff is commitment.

If it's a lifestyle- Runner (Every moring when I open the car door for Ali to take her to school, I say, aRe yoU iN, that spells run! Well, sometimes I just say Yen? That's Japanese money. I'm clever that way!)

If someone's making you do it- Jogger

If have a box of awards somewhere (my buddy Jon Docs was using a very nice running plaque to support the kickstand on his Vespa, yeah, it was 1st place in his age group, I had my third place from that same race hanging on my wall)- Runner

If you ask, How far was that marathon?- Er, not even a jogger

If you just won GRAND MASTERS in the Gasparilla Bud Lite Challenge (15K AND 5K on Saturday, Followed by the 1/2 marathon on Sunday)- Great Runner! Way to go Arlene!

If when you think of Boston, you only think of Red Sox, Clam Chowder and Independence- Jogger

If you don't have room in one drawer for all of your running shirts- yeah, runner
If you know you have no chance to win, but you start in the front- PITA Jogger

If Your view of a nice day, revolves around how the weather will effect your run- Runner

If you wear your race number on your back- Hey, you're getting there, you have a race number, but right now, er, Nerdy Jogger

If you want to be a runner, and you are doing something about it- Runner!

If you've ever said, "I don't even like to drive that far!"- er, jog this!

If know that your buddies, Chuck (3:52), Davo (3:30), and Jon (3:09) all qualified for Boston, and that Andrea, Arlene, and Abbi all had great races, but you know that you are forgetting about someone that you know that ran- Runner

If you have ever said to anyone, "Running is bad for your knees."- Jog this!

If you are offended when someone calls you a jogger- PITA Runner, but still yeah, a runner

16 comments:

superdave524 said...

"If you want to be a runner and are doing something about it"? Thanks for the bone, Ainge. Short jog... er, run, this a.m. I tripped over a frickin' root. On the smooth crush and run path, a root! You b'lieve that?

Mr. Matt said...

Dave, It's the journey man. The Penguin said it (if he's a character in Batman, you're still a jogger), "The wonder is that you had the courage to begin at all."

Stay the course.

BTW, I can't believe you avoided the soft ball I threw you re: Ancient Greece.

superdave524 said...

With a crow-bar. Sigh. A lout's work is never done.

Star said...

Every time there's a race in town people ask me, "Are you running in the marathon this weekend?" Well, first of all, I've NEVER run a marathon!

Then there's the question (especially when I was training for the IM...a triathlon is NOT a marathon duh) I was asked, "Have you been running a lot?" Uhhhh, I won't even go there.

Finally, there's my all-time favorite question: "Did you exercise today?" "Yep" I reply and walk away wearing my leg warmers and carrying my step.

Mr. Matt said...

Star,
Why don't you send over that picture of you in leg warmers carrying the step. I'll post it! Oh, that's so Olivia Newton Jog!

Anonymous said...

Now Star, there is absolutely nothing wrong with steps.

Andy, you forgot about the jogger wannabe who does a marathon in the leather version of Converse Allstars (low top, though) and navy cotton socks. (Bless his heart!)

The Professor said...

Joggers wear afro wigs to their local 5K...runners wear their sub-24 belt buckles to their wedding.

Joggers constantly yell "Go Team" at races...Everytime someone yells "Go Team" God kills a puppy!!!! (please forward all hate mail to adamcgiff@aol.com)

Mr. Matt said...

Hey Just Me, Remember when our good friend, who shall remain nameless, but is engaged to Lisa West and drives a Mustang, let's call him DavU, started running? Used to wear his car key on a lanyard. Wore B-Ball shorts. Never figured he'd turn into a champion runner, but he did. (still dresses like his mom was color blind though)

Chase Squires said...

If you have all your toenails: jogger ....

And for all those cyclists who constantly bombard me with "biking is better for your body," I say, "which one of us wears a helmet." Nuff said

Anonymous said...

Your a runner if your a fag! Those shorts are enough to tell the "Diff."

Mr. Matt said...

Hey, Anonymous,
Thanks for checking out the blog and all. But where did you get the idea that this is other than a friendly site? Yes, I wear short shorts sometimes. Yes, people have yelled, "Fag" at me for doing so. But these people are not my friends. And I don't like the term fag. It's like the N'word. No place for it. And short shorts may be offensive. they may be "nerdy," they may be a lot of things, but they have nothing to with how you are born.

Please read and post anytime, and trust me, you can't offend me, but I don't wish you to offend any of my friends either.

Just so you know.

Lynne said...

andyman, don't knock DavU. At least he's out there, and I hear he is doing a fine job at it, too.

And promise me you will still wear your short shorts !

Arlene said...

Thanks AndyMan; I think that I'm gonna cry...they were even checking out my results at work. Made me feel special...

I laughed out loud at some of these posts. How many times have I heard some of this stuff and have gotten an ulcer holding back the laughter when people ask me "How far was THIS marathon?"

I can't knock our lanyard-wearing friend since his choice in rides mirrors my own.

And if I hear "Go Team", one more time, I may make a suggestion on where the Team can go!

I can proudly say that I cannot remember when all 10 of my toes had their nails at the same time. As I am about to lose one due to this weekend's GM title....

My favorite is when I am asked 1) You must run EVERY day? and 2) How many miles do you run each day? Only a jogger would not understand that you don't have to run every day and the same amount of miles.

Star, doesn't matter that you have not run a marathon. I resisted for a long time. I'm running my fifth and LAST in April. I'll stick to the halfs. Does this make me a half-runner? Is the other half jogger?

Fun subject; can we "run" annonymous off of the blog? Or teach s/he that it's "you're" and not "your". I majored in Biology but earned an A in Freshman English.

Mr. Matt said...

Arlene, you never have to run another step, and you will always be a runner! And, aint it funny, I was so steamed at the Anon comment I didn't even notice the lack of grammar (course I went to Auburn, and I don't think that was in our book, or if it was, someone had already colored that one!)

Hey, I will never knock by brother, DavU, see, he looked, he saw he learned, and he but the lanyard away (gawd, it was a site when he ran with Keys dangling though!)

As for running off Anon, why don't we all just change him/her. Get us a convert (yeah, that'll happen.)

And Lynne, I'm loving and living in my shorties, and I'm glad you don't think that makes me sexually ambiguous

superdave524 said...

AndyMan's a lot of things, but sexually ambiguous, he ain't. A story dad used to tell: Me and AM's, like 8 and 6. He's telling us the facts of life, in just enough detail to kind of fill us in. Our reactions? Dad said I looked skeptical and said, "Gee, sounds like a lot of work". AMan was smiling and nodding his head, "I'm gonna do that a lot!".

Mr. Matt said...

See the way I heard it was, "In school we have a word for that." Course I probably thought he was talking about football.