This is post number 464 for me.Hey, that's the first three numbers of my phone number. Lately the only person besides my BLF to use that number is Capitol One Auto Finance. They can kiss my arse! Those ones there. Around the holidays I got a little behind (now I have a big behind) on car payments, no big deal. Well I got that crap straightened out after Christmas (had to fork over 800 and some odd clams in Checkuary) but that only started those Gaylord M. Fokkers to calling more.
"I told you, I done paid that crap."
"You are still behind."
"I have a $553 payment scheduled for the 15th."
"Can we set up something on the phone now."
"NO, that costs $15, AND I told you, I have a payment set for the the 15th." Click
Here comes the 16th (hand to God)
"Yeah, ok, what do you want now?"
"Wanted to set up a payment over the phone."
"I paid you, YESTERDAY!"
"Well, you're still behind."
"I am not, you suck!"
"We could still set up a payment over the phone."
"That's $15 and it's free on-line (thanks for telling me that last time Fuck-o) and it's even less than that via mail (ok, it's the same but Joe Inside-Salesman didn't know the math)"
"Still you don't want to get behind again."
"Get behind this, Drop and give me 20 Gaylord M!"
I told the lady yesterday, I know you have to have a job, and given a choice between her job and no job, I'll take her job, but I told her to make a note if you get assigned to call me, expect abuse and don't expect any money, I'll do that on-line where it's free, or through the mail where it's cheaper still!
And there it is, Post 464.
10 comments:
Or, you could write a best-selling fiction book like me and then you could pay cash for your little car.
-Dean Karnazes
(ps, how about a little help? it aint easy being Dean alone, aren't there a few more of me out there?)
Who am I kidding? There's only one me. But that's plenty! Sing it with me, "I am so beautiful... to me"
-Dean Karnzes
Boy, the Dean's got quite an ego. Anyway, I know all about bill collectors. "Send you the figures? That's just a stall tactic, Mr. Mathews..." Forkers.
Deans,
Hey man, I tried the book gig, but well, turns out you have to actually do something, THEN you can imbellish. Plus, my quads don't match your ego, come to think of it, your quads don't match your ego!
SuperD, I know you know, and I know you know I know you know. Hey, where else would I have gotten my favorite line to use on the collectors, "I will pay you in a fortnight!" By the time the figure out what I've said, I'm on I-75 headed for Florida!
Or, you know, you could just, say, set something up over the phone. There's always that!
Andy,
You need to move to Alabama...the land of $47.00 per month property taxes and $1.47 cans of chew (both are true). Plus if you bring Ali with you, the aggregate SAT scores will go up and allow Alabama to leap-frog Mississippi for 48th place.
Or you could get a second job as a cocktail waitress...you definitely have the legs for it (or you did when you were running)...
BTW, WTF is a "BLF"? LOL, BRB, TTYL...yeah, I'm tapping out on abbreviations.
I think BLF is Andy's way of saying "Bloated Little Frenchman" ... something he's been writing a lot about lately.
Bacon Lettuce and Fruit Loops...
What is a BLF?
It's a beautiful lady friend. She wishes to remain anonymous because ___________________. (fill in your blank. Andy's lady friend wishes to reamin anonymous because ___) be sweet or be yourself, but above all be funny!)
She wishes to remain anonymous because she really wants me! Come on out of the closet darling, they all want me!
-Dean Karnazes
(the real one!)
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