A Reversal of Fortunes

Then It Injini Socked me Right in the North Face
By, Andy the Loser

Chase was right. Dave was right. Arlene was right. Everyone except me, and the other poor commie fool that voted, “NOOO, don’t do it!” was right. I was wrong. Let me briefly explain, and then I have to go get underpaid for a 12-hour work day.

Within 1 hour of my post yesterday where I vowed not to sell-out, it came to me in a sign from God, er, well, not so much God as a sign from Suncoast Schools Federal Credit Union. On Tuesdays I run out of school like a scalded hound at the day’s last bell. I have to hot-foot it over to Ali’s school and then jet her over to dance. Just as I was putting the finishing touches on my “holier than thou I’m not a sell-out post,” that great liberating 3:00 school bell rang and it was off to get Ali.

Well yesterday was December 4, that’s Alison’s mommy’s birthday. Ali explained that she hadn’t had the opportunity to get anything for her mother yet (er, this was definitely last minute here!) and wanted to stop on the way to dance. Well, I wasn’t worried about being late for dance; I have no moves to learn, so I said sure. This is where the sign from God, er SSFCU comes in.

Dad: “Hey, how about a Carraba’s gift card?”
Daughter: “Ok, sure, that sounds good.”
Dad: “You know I also have a Starbucks gift card someone gave to me.”
Daughter: “No Daddy, you keep that, that’s yours.”
Dad: “Well, we could get her one of those too.”
Daughter: “The Carraba’s will be enough.”
Dad: “You know I think they sell those at Publix. There’s one on the way.”
Daughter: “Good idea.”
Dad: “Ok, you sure just the one $25 card? You don’t want a Starbuck’s too?”
Daughter: “No that’ll be enough; we’ll get her a family gift this weekend.”
Dad: “Let’s do it.”
Publix Cashier looking at Gift Card: “So, when are our reservations?”
Dad (now customer): “Sorry, it’s a gift.”
Cashier: “Er, hey, do you have another card?”
Dad: “No just the one Carraba’s card.”
Cashier: “No, do you have another card with which to pay? This one has been denied.”
Dad: “Er, no, I’ll use cash. Whoops, I only have $20, I’ll hit the bank machine and come back.”
Bank Machine: “Hey sucker, you don’t have ANY MONEY! Go Get a REAL JOB, and quit pushing my buttons until you get one. Now drop and give me 20!”
Dad: “Hey Ali, you know I’m trying to cut back on caffeine, how about giving mommy this Starbucks gift card?”
Ali: “No daddy, this is yours; we’ll just get her something this weekend.”
Daddy: “Please take it, it’s all I have to give.”
Ali: “I feel bad.”
Daddy: “Honey, I want you to have it, please.”
Ali: “Ok”
Did you ever feel like a total loser? Well, I did right then and right there. I don't want to feel that way again, and again, and again, so I will sell-out. So what, it's the American way, and it really is the American way, always has, always will.

Come by and visit me anytime, I’m in the classroom with the red swoosh on the door. We’ll be young, have fun and drink Pepsi together!